Minimal

 I'm doing a couple of experiments tomorrow.

Regular readers have already begun to cringe.
They know something horrible is coming.

My factory seconds body has once again crapped out on me, in both old and new ways. My right knee is still sore from the hockey tournament three weeks ago, my left hip/hamstring/lower back/whatever is still utter junk, and my right ankle has been super cranky again for the last month. My fibulas may also be a bit jammed up. Oh, and I caught some kind of sinus infection at the stupid hockey tournament as well, which stuffed my head with goo for almost two weeks.

For once, I actually went and looked for some medical attention for at least some of these things. I took hours off from my job that I couldn't really afford due to my workload, and braved some of the worst weather this month has had to offer taking transit down to and back from my sports chiropractor/physio.

Through this.

End result: no adjustment, despite it being confirmed that at least my right fibula is stuck. A supposedly sprained ankle that he won't touch. No treatment, no relief...but wanted me to come back the next week.

I was delighted.

So, I tried some other things. 

Including some rather extreme ideas

Yes, I took some time off running. With one thing or another, I've only done something I classed as a "run" on 17 out of the last 29 days, and some of those involved less than 5 minutes of actual running.

Though all of them had a non-zero amount

..and many of them involved hills of varying heights and complexities.

I've tried to work out the best way to tape my ankle to protect it..

While having slightly less chance of blistering the heck out of me than white trainer's tape

..and I've also done some more damage. I tweaked my ankle trying to skateboard a shopping cart through a parking lot, because I'm five. I took a chunk out of my toe and had a giant chunk of tree stump whack me right where my ankle hurts while doing yard work to try to reclaim our overgrown backyard.

I went pure herbicidal maniac

In a last-ditch effort to try to rest up after all of this, I only went for a pure walk on Monday...and ended up with a painful blister deep in the flesh of the bottom of my heel.

Though I did see some of the first of the season's magnolias, so maybe worth it?

Then add in a good dose of stress as I had to re-caulk our bathtub - not once, but TWICE within 48 hours. A chunk had popped loose from the surround along the back wall, which would allow water from a shower to pour straight down behind the tub. I stripped out the centre back section and re-did it on Sunday, but it turns out the silicone I used was expired and wouldn't cure, so I ended up having to pull out the entire bottom bead and re-do the whole thing on Tuesday.

Apparently I can play fast and loose with food and supplement expiry dates, but not sealant.
Who knew?

So what does all this add up to?

I'm exhausted, have only "run" a little more than 100km this month, have multiple injuries...and have a 50k at a ski hill tomorrow.

In my defense, I wasn't quite so broken when I registered...two years ago.

I thought about dropping down in distance, but since Tank will be volunteering at an aid station all day I might as well go get my money's worth. I'm also curious to see how it will go, as it's far from a sure thing that I won't just end up with a big, fat DNF. So, the experiments I am conducting tomorrow are:

1. What is the minimum effective dose of running to be able to finish a 50k under the 9-hour cutoff?
2. Can I actually manage it at all with the multifarious damage to my ankle, knee, and hip?

I'm absolutely prepared to be pulled off course for failing to make the cut off to start loop 4, or just to shut it down after 1 lap if it feels like I might properly cripple myself. I can always go help out at the ski hill aid station, or just go for a long nap while I wait for Tank. However, I'll never know what's possible until I try, so I'll crank myself out of bed at a thoroughly absurd hour tomorrow and go give it a whack.

How bad could it be?

See you on the other side!

Making an entrance

 You might be thinking to yourself that it seems like quite a bit of time has passed since I last did something idiotic.

Don't worry - I'm back to true form!

So there was a work function on Wednesday, up at Bingemans - a town hall-style meeting where we'd get a shakedown of the fiscal year just past, be able to ask questions or make suggestions, and also get to meet a lot of people whom we'd never seen in person before. Considering the company has grown from ~65 employees when I joined almost a year to the day beforehand to about 100 as of the day of the event, that was a lot of new faces!

With my motorbike still in need of repairs and Tank gone with our vehicle until 6pm-ish, I figured I'd cycle up since the event started at 2pm. Looking at the route, I figured I'd need to leave around 1pm to give myself plenty of time, particularly as I haven't exactly got a ton of cycling fitness at the moment.

Pretty straightforward - about 10mi

Of course, I was late getting ready - had to do just one more thing for work before I left, and by the time I'd got into kit and packed everything up that I needed, it was after 1:30pm before I was ready to roll.

I'd have to hustle, or just be late.

My route took me right past the spot where I got hit by a car (on the same bike, no less) 7 years ago, but I navigated that without issue this time. I definitely didn't have much for cycling legs, but I was managing to roll along ok.

Decent paved shoulder past the airport

It was hot as balls out - had been all week - with threats of severe thunderstorms. I was a little freaked out when it started to rain a bit just as I left, but the sprinkle of droplets was actually rather nice and cooling. Of course, it stopped as soon as I realized I was enjoying it.

I just can't have nice things, it seems.

I was making decent time and had even caught all of the lights green, but suspected (without actually being able to see a clock; my cycle computer was set to speed and cadence, and my watch was also busy displaying ride data) I was still going to be fairly late. 

In spite of my bike's motivational sticker

I nearly got creamed by a transport truck as I tried to make my way over to the left turn lane to head west on Victoria, suffered for my lack of cycling fitness as I slogged up the hill after passing over the Grand River. I was delighted to discover there's a new multi-use paved pathway on the north side of Victoria now, so I could abandon the road for what seemed like a safer option...except I was nearly hit by a car emerging from a driveway, and had to weave my way around other cars that stopped right across the path to wait for a gap in traffic.

I wasn't really having an amazing ride.

Perhaps it was all of these distractions that made me completely blow the turn onto Bingemans Centre Drive. Or maybe it was that I'm used to approaching from the trail along the river, and totally forgot that you don't enter the facility directly off Victoria. Either way, my watch was telling me I'd covered about 18km, and suddenly there was the expressway. Crap - I'd gone too far!

So, stop for a moment to check directions, slap my forehead a bit because now I'd be even later arriving, and then ride back up the hill I'd just had the pleasure of coasting down.

How my dumb arse turned a 16km ride into 22km+

I knew there was a steep downhill to get into Bingemans, so I'd checked my brakes before setting off to make sure I wouldn't get rolling at a ridiculous speed and end up out of control - I mean, my 'cross bike has cantilever brakes, so I was already kind of operating on hope to begin with. As I saw my speedometer creep up past 40kph and heard the nubby tires start to sing, I pulsed the levers to slow myself by degrees so I could make the swooping turn at the bottom.

I wasn't precisely sure where I was going - only that we would be in the Embassy Tent, which seemed like it would be easy enough to spot. As I cruised toward the main parking lot I saw the massive white structure and aimed right for it, taking a small footpath that seemed like it would take me right in behind it.

Wrong! Or perhaps all too right - as I approached, I realized I'd be coming directly behind someone speaking at the podium, which was set up by the open side of the tent facing the pond. 

Photo taken later, after the speeches and trivia - you can just see the pond behind the dais

So - not wanting to interrupt - I saw that I could just make a sharp turn onto another footpath beside the tent and emerge back into the parking lot, then dismount and stow my bike. I'd creep in the back and hopefully no-one would be the wiser.

It could have worked. It really could have. 

But there was this power cord..

That one

..and as my tire made contact, in the middle of that low-speed, tight turn, it rolled or something my front wheel just went out from under me. I splatted heavily onto my right side, hard enough to bend the brifter in a good 20 degrees and decorate it with some hearty scrapes.

This was the icing on the craptastic cake that had been my ride. I rolled onto my back, closed my eyes for a moment, and stopped my watch.

When I re-opened my eyes a second later, I saw our Chief Technical Officer (whom I'd never met in person before) arriving beside me, and the Chief Financial Officer (my boss) racing over to assist. As I picked myself up off the ground, I realized I'd managed to literally crash the party right as the CEO was giving a presentation.

I'd done super well at not interrupting things.

Colin and Arjun asked if I was ok. I said I was fine - I mean, I'd got to my feet ok, and nothing seemed to be broken - and picked up my bike to wander away from the full view of everyone in the stinkin' company.

Something - a bit of gravel, or maybe a sliver of wood - embedded itself in my palm right through my glove

One of the event staff offered to take my bike from me and walked it behind the bar, and asked if I wanted to use the washroom to get cleaned up, saying it was "over there" with a vague hand gesture. I thought about trying to find it, but saw no indication of where I needed to go, so instead meandered around the side of the tent and tried to take a bit of stock of myself.

Quite literally a bloody mess.

I wandered into the tent and was greeted by our Employee Experience Manager Holly, who gave me my event swag in a bag conveniently large enough to hold my helmet. The cleats of my cycling shoes crunched loudly over the gravel-strewn interlock beneath the tent, and I was incredibly grateful to discover that the table number listed on my name tag was the first one inside the entrance, right at the back.

There was no extra chair there, though. Krishna was kind enough to offer me his, while asking if I was ok, and if I wanted a first aid kit (he had one in his car). I said I was fine, and Holly brought me a chair, into which I gratefully collapsed. 

Fortunately I'd brought some cleansing wipes with me, so I used a couple of them to try to clean up my wounds while the speeches wrapped up. I also changed from my incredibly loud and impractical cycling shoes into a pair of sandals I'd brought in my little messenger bag, and changed out of my sweaty kit in the washroom when we had a 10min break between the speeches and the start of the trivia.

I might still look like an idiot, but at least a slightly more appropriately dressed one.

Tank came and picked me up when things started to wind down a little after 8pm, and I went home to properly debride my wounds with some hot water, soap, and a soft cloth.

Just my luck - it's right where my elbow sits on the armrest of my office chair

At least I was able to get a dressing on my arm wound - the road rash on my leg is just too big for anything I have on hand to cover it.

So I try to remember to keep it smeared with ointment.
Try.

So there you have it - how to literally crash an office party, and look like a damn fool in front of your whole company.

At least I got to play cornhole (poorly) at the end, and no-one was cruel enough to actually laugh in my face..