 |
| Though not with finding beautiful places to do so. |
While I'm getting my consistency back, I can't honestly remember the last time I had a run where I felt decently strong.
 |
| I'm sure it has a lot to do with all those pink (non-running) days. |
I can barely string together more than a kilometer of steady running before I need to walk a bit, or stop altogether to catch my breath. It's frustrating and disheartening - I feel so very far away from the person who ran 100km just over a year ago.
 |
| It feels like I'm in a very dark place right now. |
I can't shake the feeling there may be something wrong, more than just lost fitness. Yes, the weather has been hot - we had heat warnings for a good chunk of this week - but I've run in high heat before. Yes, I'm on the sleep deprived side, but that's nothing new. I've always been able to push through in the past, but right now it just feels hopeless.
 |
| Stopping to admire the view has its benefits, but I'd rather have a choice in the matter. |
I'm desperately hoping it's just some lingering fatigue from the Tail Chaser, or from upping my mileage and frequency a fair bit in the last couple of weeks. When combined with the heat, carrying a few extra pounds, and some hormonal stuff (I tend to get super exhausted every 4 weeks - give or take - right before my cycle arrives), it might just explain why it feels like I've had a cinderblock tied to my more-ample-than-usual butt.
 |
| Which hasn't stopped me from getting out to enjoy the trails - I just do so a lot more slowly. |
But none of that really matters. I'm only able to concern myself with it all because of my position of privilege.
Things that are far more important:
Black lives
Missing and murdered indigenous women
Love is love
The gender identity that you feel fits you best is valid
 |
| If you have a problem with any of that, please feel free to get lost. |
While I try to be an ally as best I can, I know that my privilege as a white, heterosexual, cis-gendered woman and the society in which I live have insulated me from racial prejudice and its effects on black, indigenous, and other people of colour. I know that people are still persecuted for whom they love, and for how they identify their true selves.
That's a tougher fight than just some lost run mojo, and it's heartbreaking that we're still so far from a resolution that will allow everyone to live their lives in peace.
I don't know how to solve these problems, but I know I want to be a part of the solution. So, as a start, I'm gonna shout it a little louder here - just so noone can have the excuse they didn't hear me:
..and those are more important than any whining I have to offer about my little struggles with running.
 |
| So I'll shut the heck up and get on with it, while trying to educate myself about how to be part of the solution. |
Hi K, I share you ennui. I find energy is directly related to motivation which is sometimes elusive. It requires a certain amount of internal focus, limiting external distractions, dare I say it, selfishness. That it often at odds with your psyche which wants to be a good citizen, part of something greater, a contributor. It's difficult to focus on one's self when the world is in a handbasket. You didn't even mention the bloody pandemic! So I would put your current lack of form down to stress, lack of sleep, too much food/drink. That's what does it to me. I'm sure you'll get it back. Perhaps when the world eventually discovers a better path, we will too. Be good, be kind, that's what counts. Oh, and scream out loud as required. :)
ReplyDeleteNeil
Thanks so much, Neil - I always appreciate your thoughtful, considered comments. Things have improved a wee bit, so I can likely put it down to too little sleep, a bit of extra weight, and the heat. While I've been drinking more frequently than is my norm, I don't think I can pin too much on the 3 whole cans of cider I drank between April 16th and May 23rd!
DeleteI always try to be kind, but not sure I can claim that I've ever tried to be good - I'm so much better at being bad!
All the best to you and Moe; hope there's very little screaming required!