Bye Felicia

2018 was not a good year.

I'm just going to let it flow away, like the Speed River here.

I was in the best running shape of my life at the start of the year: kicking some arse in the 100 runs in 100 days challenge; had a solid go at the Stride Inside 6-hour and a beautiful day at the Frosty Trail 3-hour in January; and I'd had fun at Clay Williams' Valentine's Fatazz on the Saturday of Family Day weekend. With 294.5km of running in January and 99.7km in the first 10 days of February, I was building the foundation of a strong year of racing.

Victoria Park bridge all lit up

Then, as I sought some more laughs by going snowboarding the day after the Fatazz, I ripped my season to shreds. My right ankle was rent asunder, and the only reason I ended up breaking 100km for February would be a 3 minute run that I definitely should not have done on the 27th - just 16 days after wrecking myself.

March was a rebuilding process. I managed to run 2km on the 10th, 8.7km the following week (over 2 runs), then 17.5km the week after that (in 3 runs). By the week ended April 1st I was up to 4 runs and 28.3km for the week, but my total for the whole month was a measly 49.9km.

The other bridges in Victoria Park are lit up as well

April brought more building - I got up to 46.7km for the week ended April 15th - but also more destruction. A wind and ice storm blew down a tree in our backyard, crushing our shed and resulting in a $1,400 purchase of a new one (in boxes needing to be built). Running on the crust of ice over the snow that had fallen led to me knocking my right fibula out of place, which once again decimated my run training. I spent the next 7 weeks in agony, but trying to run through it anyway as I had races coming. I'd manage 119.3km for the month, though the final 3 weeks would only account for 34.8km of that (13.2k, 8.7k, 12.9k).

In May, we got the destroyed shed taken apart, but not until after another windstorm blew down the OTHER tree in the backyard. The final tally for tree removal ran us $1,000, and the yard is still strewn with giant lumps of trunk that need to meet the business end of our chainsaw. My fibula was still causing problems as I lined up at the start of the Seaton Soaker 50k, which was actually 52k this year. By the first turn-around at 13km I knew I was in poor shape and should call it, but I did actually end up going out for the second lap before DNF'ing for the first time in an ultra. At least I was still able to go backpacking for Victoria Day with Tanker, and then have the unique opportunity to guide a visually impaired runner through a lap at Sulphur Springs. By the end of the month I'd only managed to run 84.3km.

Impressive lights display in the rich neighbourhood up the street

It wasn't until June that I'd find a chiropractor to help me sort out the wayward fibula, just in time for the Niagara Ultra 50k. I actually made it through that one, though I definitely would have DNF'd had I attempted to run the 100k (for which I'd originally registered). As I recovered after the race, we actually managed to get our new shed built and reclaim our backyard a little. I ran a total of 126.0km - my best since hurting myself.

July started off with an awesome camping trip at Long Point, and I got to spend my birthday climbing a mountain as we toured through Quebec on our motorycles. While those things were incredibly fun, they severely hampered getting in any consistent, high-quality training...which I desperately needed prior to the Tally in the Valley 12-hour night race, especially as I dealt with mounting fatigue and health issues I couldn't explain. I struggled my way through 150.6km of running - 70km of which was just Tally in the Valley - and hoped it would resolve.

Swans on the Grand River near downtown Galt

During 2 weeks off running after Tally, Tanker and I ventured out again into the wild for a few days of backcountry paddling for our anniversary in August. When we returned and I tried to get back down to the business of running again, it became clear that there was something very wrong with me. On August 19th I finally figured out I'd gotten pregnant (the day after the Niagara Ultra 50k), and on August 23rd I underwent an abortion. Two days later I struggled through a single 7km lap of the OUTRace 30th Anniversary Fun Run. Through the end of the month I just worked on getting some consistency back as I healed, but my total for the month was back down to a mere 70.9km.

September was better in all ways: my ankle was still improving, my energy levels started to make a comeback, and I got back to consistent training...after taking a week to recover from the effects of a very long day and night (and following morning) on my feet at Haliburton, guiding a runner through the final leg of his first 100 miler. Despite that week of only 13.4km, I still put in my biggest month by far since my injury, breaking 100 miles in 30 days with a final total of 162.1km.

And getting to run through some much-less-snowy woods.

October was BUSY. After the first weekend spent racing the Sticks n'Stones 50k (which we all know is actually 53k), we packed up and headed up to Killarney for an incredible few days of camping and hiking. I didn't run at all until we got home again, so another low mileage week at 11.7km. One more week of actual training, then it was time for my annual bout with the big stinkin' hill at Horror Trail - with added mud and cold, cold rain this time. Still, because I raced two ultras in the month, I bested my post-injury monthly mileage once more with 182.6km. We also got a kitten!

The dome of old City Hall in Victoria Park

November is sort of where the wheels came off again. I knew that trying to race 3 ultras in 5 weeks was a little ambitious, but signed up for Horror Trail anyway knowing it would only give me 2 weeks to recover before The Beav 50k. I hadn't known just how much of a beating my ankles would take in the awful mud at Horror Trail, though, and that meant I went into the brutally cold, windy morning of The Beav with a great deal of fear. I made it through, despite my shoes trying to fall apart and some uncooperative spikes, then went into my off season with hopes of resting and recuperating before the start of the 100 runs in 100 days challenge. Those hopes were rather derailed by the discovery of mould in our house - likely a result of the humid summer, wet fall, and our lack of ductwork/central heat/air conditioning. I was plagued by headaches that lasted for weeks - whether a result of the mould itself or the stress of my home being invaded, I don't know - and would spend hours each day that were supposed to be "recovery" scrubbing and spraying and throwing out everything from clothes to furniture. Our finances took a hit as we had to purchase a large-capacity dehumidifier (in hopes of keeping future problems at bay) and a new coffee table (as the old one was unsalvageable). I'd still get in 134.4km of running, but it certainly wasn't the off season I had in mind.

I'd rather spend more time like this - out in the woods with my sweetheart.

I did, however, somehow pull off 6th place in the Women <40 age group of the OUTRace Ultra Series! A far cry from 2nd place last year, but not too shabby for being gimpy throughout the entire OUTRace season.

Unexpected!

The mould and financial woes continued into December, though, with the discovery of mould in more and more areas of the house and our car requiring over $650 of service in the last 2 weeks, plus Tanker's employer screwing him out of more than a day's pay. To top it all off, my ankle has developed a new issue - I think more in my achilles tendon than the tibialis posterior (which had been the major issue previously) - that is taking a great deal of time to resolve.

We did get a white Christmas, though, and I did my traditional Christmas morning run with my sleigh bells.

On the bright side, though, as the year draws to a close I believe things are starting to improve. We have the worst of the mould under control and continue to make progress, bit by bit and day by day. We are finally starting to get our finances under control, thanks in part to an unexpected Christmas gift. With the 100 runs in 100 days challenge having started on the 15th, I've been training more consistently in the past couple of weeks than I have all year - I'm at 16 runs in 13 days, with the 17th to be done this evening on day 14. Having already racked up 175.8km for the month, I'm confident I can break 200km for December, which will be only the second month this year in which I've done so. I won't break 1,700km for the year (I'm just over 1,650k right now), but I'm on my way back.

Which will help me work off all of this - we did have a lovely Christmas dinner with my Mum.

I don't know exactly what 2019 will hold - either in running or life in general - but I definitely hope it will have fewer challenges than 2018. Unfortunately, I already know it will start with some difficulty, as Tanker will be going for surgery on January 7th and will be weak as a kitten for a great deal of time afterward. I'll lose my driver for work - and thus the naps on which I rely so heavily - and add a source of worry as I try to help him through his recovery, while I try to manage recovering myself from the Stride Inside 6-hour on January 5th and enter my busiest time of year at the office.

All I know for sure is that if I can make it through 2018 still standing, I can take on just about anything..

As long as I have my sweetheart by my side.

Wishing you all a very happy new year - may 2019 bring you peace in your mind, joy in your heart, and prosperity for your home and family.

And if it doesn't, come on over and give Fionn the Fuzzy a tickle.
It helps - I promise.

Blue Christmas

I'm not terribly merry at the moment, though I swear I'm doing my best.

Stuff like this - on a pleasant little trail run Sunday evening - helps.

It's been a hard year for me, and my stress levels have only increased over the last few weeks. Due to some major issues with our house, every moment not occupied by work, training or cooking has been devoted to remediation; it's led to late nights, frustration, and crushing feelings of helplessness. We've had to toss out so many of our belongings - some of which had huge sentimental value - and put in seemingly endless hours of hard, unforgiving work. Home should be a place to rejuvenate, but instead it has become another source of anxiety...and there's no end in sight, yet.

Just an occasional escape for a fleeting moment or two of freedom.

I've made an effort to get into the Christmas spirit here and there: we had a fun evening at Phil Kline's Unsilent Night near the start of the month; Tanker has put up a beautiful display of Christmas lights; and we even found the re-hung mistletoe on the Cambridge pedestrian bridge on Saturday.

Yep, seems to work.

We also managed to get out on our bikes on Saturday evening for our we-try-for-annual-but-it-doesn't-always-work-out Tour de Christmas Lights ride through the rich neighbourhood up the street.

The only photo I got of lights that wasn't terribly blurry.

Oh what fun it is to ride!

However, between the lack of time due to the endless work on the house and the money we've had to sink into both it and our car (do sway bar linkages qualify as a present? 'Cause that's what we get to spend $250 on tomorrow morning, on top of $350 of maintenance work last weekend), we have neither gifts nor even Christmas cards for most of our friends and family. I haven't even been able to afford to support friends in their fundraising pursuits, which wounds me deeply: Movember and the Speedo run have come and gone without me being able to donate, and prospects look poor for being able to contribute to the New Year's Day polar bear dips in which many friends are participating. I hate it, but we must have food and the car must have fuel in order to take us to work, so I play the Scrooge while awash in shame and regret.

And seek peace by tiny waterfalls as time allows.

Things don't look like they'll improve much into the new year, and it's all threatening to mire me in darkness and self-loathing, even as we pass the solstice and begin to move once more toward the light. I don't even get a long weekend out of the holiday season this year - I'll be working a half-day on Monday, off for Christmas and Boxing Day, then right back to work full-time for Thursday and Friday. We're booked solid with stuff from this evening through 8pm Saturday night, and staging a full dinner for Tanker and my Mum at her place means I'll be on my feet all day on Christmas Day. With prep work to do on Sunday, that means the whole of my actual "holiday" will be Boxing Day. Even if we had time to go snowboarding or climbing, we can't afford to anyway.

This little guy needs to eat, too, even if he did put a pair of more-than-foot-long scratches down my back first thing this morning.

The last few weeks (and the last few days in particular) seem to have been a test of just how much I can take without breaking, but I nonetheless continue to stumble along somehow. Since I have no choice but to keep moving forward, I'm going to try to focus as much as possible on all that I have for which I am grateful.

Even if it is currently a source of misery, I'm grateful to have a home.

Even if it is costing us money we can't afford, I'm grateful to have our little car.

Even if I'd rather have more time off from it, I'm grateful to have a job.

Even if we can't afford to help feed others, I'm grateful to have enough to eat.

Even if they rob me of the little sleep I do get, make me bleed, and pee on the kitchen floor (yes, I got to spend this morning scrubbing up cat wee after dressing my fresh wounds), I'm grateful to have three sweet, healthy kitties to stroke and play with.

Even if I'm sore and tired, I'm grateful to have made it through the first week of the 100 runs in 100 days challenge with 8 runs and my first 50km training week since I hurt myself in February.

Even if it takes a lot of work, I'm grateful to be able to put on a Christmas feast for those I love, and to spend the day trying to bring them the joy of the season.

Even if I'm not able to love and appreciate him as I should, I'm grateful to have a wonderful man who loves me and tries his best to care for me.

I wish you all the very best of the season - may you all be given plenty of time to spend doing things that bring you happiness with the people you love, and be blessed with prosperity and the spirit of beneficence. Where I am struggling, may you all thrive!

Peace and joy to one and all, from all of us.

Runmas Eve

It's that time of year again!

No, I don't mean low sun angles...though they are spectacular.

The annual Slowtwitch 100 runs in 100 days challenge begins tomorrow, and I have once more thrown my hat into the ring as a contender. I've never actually made 100 runs in the 7-odd years that I've been a participant - I did make it to 90 in the 2016/2017 edition, but I think that was my best to date.

I was on a wicked pace last year - had 64 runs in 59 days and was hanging in the top 10 in the competition - when I blew my ankle apart. It was horrible watching the time tick down to the end of the 100 days without being able to run enough to qualify. I only managed a paltry 3 more runs of 30+ minutes before the end.

From 9th place to 92nd.
Le sigh.

Truth be told, the damn ankle still hurts. I'm trying to work on that - had a visit with a sports physician last Monday, x-rays on Saturday, and will be getting together with a physiotherapist with a specialty in endurance sports in the new year. But, it remains an issue. Possibly a forever kind of issue.

Though I choose to believe it'll get better with time.

Nevertheless, I'm going to give it a whack. I've got back to more consistent training again, and my mileage been climbing over the last month since The Beav.

Though I did take a couple of Thursdays off

Respectable total for the last 7 days.

I'm hoping if I start very conservatively with shorter runs at high frequency - say, adding 1 or 2 double run days per week to maintain 100/100 pace even with my Fridays off (which are non-negotiable) - I might not just be able to hang on, but to get stronger throughout the challenge.

So I can chase more trails like this.

I know there will be some complications: I'm registered for the 6-hour at Stride Inside on January 5th, and I don't think a "long run" of 10km (the longest I've done since The Beav) will be enough to keep me fit for an ultra. There's also the small matter of what kind of shape I'll be in afterward - it may require a few days off to recover, if I even make it through the full 6 hours...and possibly even if I don't. Due to some extenuating circumstances, I'm going to lose the morning and evening naps that are pretty much the only way I sustain myself on the 6 hours of sleep (or less) I usually get, for a month commencing January 8th. This will make it infinitely more difficult to kick my arse out for a run after work after having done one on my lunch break.

Which will, unfortunately, not include scenery this pleasant.

Still, even knowing that I may not really have much of a future as a runner, I feel the urge to try once again. We'll see how far I can get on optimism, bloody-minded stubbornness, and a pretty solid tolerance for pain.

Not to mention a ceaseless desire to chase trails.

By the end of the challenge on March 24th I should have a much better idea of what I'll be capable of in 2019. I've so far resisted signing up for many races in the new year as I simply don't know how this winter will go, and these next few months will be the foundation for any ultrarunning I can do next summer and fall. The challenge is a great motivator, but could also easily lead to me overdoing things and putting myself out of commission again - particularly as the sidewalks and trails become treacherously lumpy with ice and snow.

The only way to find out is just to go for it. Really, how bad could it be?

If you'd like to join me in the challenge - and it really is a great way to build your base through the winter - just sign up for the Slowtwitch training log and either record your runs there or sync with a Strava account. You can also just write down each run on a piece of paper, or hell - go ahead and carve tally marks into a stone tablet if you really want. Put a loonie into a jar every time you run more than 30mins, and then go buy yourself something for a hundred bucks (or however much you accumulate during the challenge) at the end. You do you!

And I'll do this as much as I possibly can.

Mild and Muddy

I have a whole lot to whine about right now, but I'm not going to do that - it does no good to complain.

Instead, let me tell you about a slice of happiness I found last weekend.

I hadn't been out for a trail run since The Beav - apart from lack of time and the early darkness, I was trying to be nice to my still-sore ankle and was keeping it to even, non-technical surfaces.

The puppy inside me wanted to go play and explore, though, so last Sunday I finally went for a romp in a place I'd never been before - Snyder's Flats.

It had rained most of the prior 24hrs so it was a touch wet.

Double track or double stream?

..but it was also unseasonably warm. December the 2nd, and there I was comfortably trotting around in a skirt and light shirt!

WHEEEEEE

Having forgotten my GPS watch (d'oh!), I simply ran around exploring. From the maps I had seen there was enough trail to do about 6k, which was all I really wanted.

Relatively straightfoward.

What I didn't know is that only about half of the bits of singletrack in the former gravel pit are actually laid out on the map - the satellite view gives a bit better impression:

Though I don't think even this shows all of the little bunny paths.

I started out on gravelly doubletrack, but soon found my way to the pond at the northeast and the muddy singletrack that runs between it and the Grand River.

Definitely more interesting than the wide-open gravel field

Shoes were gaining a pound with each step

As I looked over the pond, I saw that the mild air had led to some of the ice melting, and a fascinating cloud of mist hovering just over the surface.

Always such a neat sight

The trails I followed were certainly not frozen, though - I'm glad I wore wool socks, as there was definitely some puddle jumping going on!

SPLURP SPLURP SPLURP

The flat terrain had me thinking that this would be a fabulous place to bring our cross-country skis once there's enough snow to safely cover all the gravel.

Though it's not without a bit of flood-carved contour.

I ran along the river toward the setting sun, delighted by this stolen moment of autumn amid the awful winter weather we'd been having.

Certainly not very December-ish.

As I neared the end of my run, I found myself having to stop more often to gape at the incredible sunset unfolding before me.

This deserves a moment of its own.

I knew from the time that I'd arrived I wouldn't have much time to explore, but I was able to run almost all of the trails in less than three quarters of an hour, even counting the time I spent standing still to absorb the tranquility of the fading light over the water.

I missed a few bits here and there, but not very much.
Full Endomondo data is here

Just what I needed.

I had to return to the world of unpleasant chores, frustration and doubts upon leaving, but for forty three glorious minutes I was just another wild animal frolicking on a beautiful evening.

Happy girl.

I have no idea when I'll be able to get out for another taste of the glorious freedom I felt that evening, but I sincerely wish you all a similarly joyful experience before this year is up. Carve out a bit of time, then go out and play!

Redemption

All of us have something in our past we're not proud of. Sometimes, though, a bit of effort can help you reclaim some dignity.

Warning: this post is only tangentially about running/endurance sport.

On Sunday, July the 29th, I found myself in rather rough condition by evening. I'd been awake since 8:30 Saturday morning with only a 2-hour nap ending at 4:30pm, run 70km through the night at Tally in the Valley, then gone to brunch with dearly loved friends in Guelph (with a quick stop for a shower in between - like I said, they're dearly loved friends) until late afternoon. There may have been some day-drinking at brunch. Ok, there was definitely some day-drinking at brunch. I wasn't drunk, but had been pleasantly giggly.

The only pink of which I am a fan.

As we headed back toward home, I realised I was hungry but far too destroyed to make food for myself. I could barely walk due to the pounding my damaged right ankle took while racing, and hobbled around with a cane. In this condition, I wandered into our local freshii looking for an easy, hot meal with some nutritional value.

I have a standard bowl that I know meets all of my food allergy needs, so I ticked all the appropriate boxes on the custom order form and handed it to the young lady at the cash register. A moment later, she informed me they were out of brown rice - the foundation of my meal.

Having pushed myself far beyond any reasonable point while on course at Tally in the Valley and being far too tired, hungry and sore to cope with any adversity at this point, I came freakin' unglued. Rather than understanding that they were approaching their closing time and might reasonably be expected to have run out of some items, or finding a subsitution (rice noodles should have been acceptable), I hurled some obscenities and threw my order form at the poor girl, snapping at her to dispose of it as I turned and hobbled out of the store.

Pictured: someone who clearly should not have been allowed out in public.

We went to another location and I was able to get my order, but the damage was done - I knew I'd behaved like the absolute worst sort of person, and while I did have excuses there is never a legitimate reason to treat someone the way I did.

I felt terrible about it, and resolved to apologize to the girl the next time I saw her. Since they had closed while we procured food from the other location, I couldn't do so right away, but figured I'd catch her there soon; we stop in at least once a week, as it's just about the only take-out food that I'm able to eat.

We tried the following Sunday, around the same time. We've been there most Thursday evenings for months now, but never while that particular person was working. All the while, it gnawed on me that I'd treated someone so shabbily for something that wasn't their fault, though over the weeks it faded to an occasional thought at the back of my mind.

Last night, we stopped in for our usual Thursday evening I-cook-from-scratch-every-other-day-of-the-week, give-me-something-easy dinner. Lo and behold, someone who looked remarkably like the same young lady was at the till - she seemed to be the only one working that evening, and it was once again within an hour of closing. I filled out my custom order form and placed my order, not totally sure I was facing the same person.

Regardless, as she passed our order over the counter and turned to walk back to the cash register, I asked her for a moment. I told her that I thought it was her that had been working all the way back on July 29th when I behaved absolutely reprehensibly, and watched her eyes go wide. She said she had wondered if it was me, and I confirmed and told her I was very sorry. While I had been up for 30+ hours, run a very long way, and was in enough pain I could barely walk, there is no excuse for treating anyone as I had. She kindly said it was no problem, and not to worry about it...but at the same time, she remembered the incident, so clearly it had stuck in her mind as well.

When we got our orders home I noticed that my assortment of veggies on my bowl looked a little light-handed - not enough to complain, but certainly the bare minimum amounts that could pass. I wondered if it had been a jab - conscious or not - at the horrible person who'd snapped and cursed at her 4 months (to the very day) beforehand. If it was subconscious, I hope I was able to put that simmering resentment to rest, as that's a horrible thing to have bestowed on another person.

As we head into a hectic season that will bring most of us in contact with many people who make their living by serving the general public, I invite you to use me as a cautionary example. While you may be feeling the effects of pressure and strain in your life, it costs nothing to show respect and kindness to those around you. When you fail to do so, take ownership of the wrong you have done and put in some effort to make amends. It may be a small incident in the grand scheme of things, but there's no reason you can't try to be better - both for your own peace of mind and for the good of those around you.

It sure feels good to get that monkey off my back.
Now, if I can just work on this one..

Have a wonderful weekend, folks, and be good to each other out there!

Dimensionality

As the sun has now set on a rather spotty season of "racing", my mind turns to all the things that winter and the off season have to offer.

Well, I say off season - I did actually take a full week off running, but was back at it in the dark of our early night on Sunday evening.

Making friends along the way.

My ankles - which took a pounding over 43-odd kilometers at Horror Hill and then another 50 at The Beav in a 2 week period - are still calling the shots on when I run. I did manage to get 4 days in a row from Sunday to Wednesday, but took Thursday off running as the right one is still being a jerk.

The sun angle is so low on my lunch runs these days

That's also why I decided against getting my cross-country skis out when we got the big dump of snow last week: I didn't feel like my ankles were strong or rested enough to strap on the boards for the first time this year when conditions were decent, and despite the bitter cold we've had the ski-able snow didn't really last.

There will be time to ski later, and snowshoe as well. There had better be - I've actually signed up for a snowshoe race in early February, and figure I might as well try training for it a bit...especially since my snowshoes are not really designed with running in mind.

If I had this little monster's enormous back feet, I wouldn't need snowshoes at all!

I'm looking forward to taking some time to do the things that fell by the wayside as I pushed to train and race at the highest level of which my injured arse was capable. I've actually made it back to the pool for the first time since May the 8th (!), putting in 1,700y on Saturday and another 1,300y last night in lieu of a run.

I didn't even need the lifeguard to fish me out!

Just those couple of swims have shown me how much I've been missing by ditching my pool workouts. I've come to realise that some of the issues I've experienced this year are actually due to the lack of swim training in the past 6 months - there is just no replacement for the muscle engagement and movement patterns required to swim the four main strokes (front crawl, backstroke, breaststroke and butterfly), and the delicious soreness that has come with the return to the water tells me that I may have made a grave mistake in foregoing the pool in order to try to get more sleep.

I do have a master of the snoozing arts to teach me, if she can find time between naps.

I haven't managed to get on my bike (or my motorcycle) due to the weather, but it's not all about training anyway - it's the damn off season! We're actually going tonight to pick up a pass for one of our favourite local climbing gyms this evening (because SALE PRICING people!), and I can't wait to actually get out and pull on some plastic again. I've kept up with doing some pull-ups on the rock rings in my livingroom weekly in an effort not to lose all of my climbing strength, but we haven't climbed at all (other than a bit of scrambling last month) since the via ferrata route at Parc de la Chute Montmorency back in mid-July.

Oddly enough, I'm also really excited that the local ski hills have started to blow snow in an effort to get their base layer built. I was really disappointed that they all closed for the season long before my ankle was ready to try snowboarding again, and I honestly can't wait until I can strap into my bindings and do some very careful shredding. It might seem strange that I'm amped to go do a thing that hurt me so badly 9 months ago - particularly since I'm still dealing with the effects of the injury - but I've been in love with snowboarding since I was 17 years old. I've broken bones while doing so, dislocated a shoulder (long story), and knocked myself silly trying stupid things in terrain parks years before helmets were mandated for such things. It may not be the safest thing for my clumsy arse, but it's also something in which I find a lot of joy, and I'm stoked to get back out there again even if it does cause me some pain.

Reminds me of some other activities I could name..

Let's just hope I don't do something completely foolish that leads to another year like this one.